


this i can't deny

by ymorton



Category: Pod Save America (RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-13 10:12:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13568430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ymorton/pseuds/ymorton
Summary: anon asked for childhood best friends, ot3. this is just jonjon but i hope it still works for you.





	this i can't deny

**Author's Note:**

> FAKE !!!!!!! 
> 
> title from macy gray's "i try", a real late 90s anthem

When Jon gets home from track practice on Tuesday night, Lovett’s sitting cross-legged on his bed, flipping through Jon’s dogeared copy of The Great Gatsby and eating Pringles. 

“Hey,” he says, looking up through his glasses. 

“Hey,” Jon says, dropping his backpack on the ground next to his desk. He peels off his damp sweatshirt and pulls his t-shirt down when it tries to come off too. “What’s up? Who let you in?” 

Lovett rolls his eyes up at him. “The whole neighborhood knows you guys keep a spare key in the mailbox. It’s not exactly the Pentagon.” 

“So you broke into my house.” Jon yanks off one of his socks and throws it at Lovett’s head. Lovett yelps dramatically and bats it away. Jon laughs and throws the other one. 

“ _Stop_ it, you savage.” Lovett flicks the second sock onto the ground and flips a page in the book. “This book sucks. It’s like, we get it, Fitzgerald, Nick wants to screw Gatsby. You don’t have to make it so _obvious_.” 

Jon scoffs. “What? That’s not what the book is about.” 

“Uh, yes it is. You have to read between the lines, Jon. He's obsessed with him.” 

“I _have_ read between the lines. It’s about the decline of the American dream, not- not gayness. You always do this. You said the same thing about A Separate Peace.” 

“Jon, they literally fuck in that book. It's canon. Don’t be naive.” 

“Shh,” Jon hisses, kicking his bedroom door shut behind him. His parents’ room is just down the hall. “Stop making everything gay, it’s weird. You said The Awakening was about a lesbian.” 

“It is!” Lovett brings his knees up to his chest and glares at him. “And I don’t make everything- gay, shut up. You just don't understand literature. You probably thought Animal Farm was about literal animals. You probably think Moby Dick is just about a fucking whale.” 

“You’re full of shit.” 

“ _You_ are.” Lovett closes the book. “Have you done the chem homework yet?” 

“Nope.” Jon pulls his stuff out of his backpack, grabs his Chemistry book, and climbs over Lovett onto the other side of the bed. He flops down with a sigh. “You?” 

“No.”

“You wanna start it?” 

“It’s not due til Friday,” Lovett says with a groan. He rolls over til his head’s butted against Jon’s pillow. He’s wearing a tattered camp t-shirt and the exact same sweatpants he was wearing the day before. 

“Well, I think I’m gonna start. I have a meet on Thursday so I'm not gonna have time.” Jon pushes Lovett away by the forehead and opens his book. Lovett huffs a sigh and opens The Great Gatsby again. 

Jon genuinely tries to read but Lovett won’t shut up, as usual. They end up on their backs in bed, books on the floor, discussing Jon’s math teacher’s possible relationship with the principal. Lovett’s convinced they’re boning, but Lovett’s a pervert. He thinks everyone’s boning. 

“But I _saw_ her,” Lovett says dramatically, rolling onto his side facing Jon. His breath smells like barbecue chips. “I was leaving school after debate practice and she was _sitting_ in his _office_.” 

Jon rolls to face him too. “So what? They were probably just working on something.” 

“At 7:00 PM? I don’t think so, Jon. They don’t get paid enough for that.” Lovett taps the side of his nose with one finger. “No, this was something different. I bet she’s sleeping with him to get promoted.” 

“Promoted? To what? Head math teacher?” 

“Vice Principal? Hmm?” Lovett arches an eyebrow at him like he's made a valid point. “Who knows. I don’t trust her. She didn’t like me, and all math teachers like me.” 

Lovett had her two years ago because he’s an annoying prodigy. He takes college math classes now, which he never shuts the fuck up about.  “Dude, she didn’t like you because you always corrected her.”

“Well I wasn’t gonna not say anything when she was _wrong_.” 

“Yeah, god forbid you shut up for once.” 

Lovett makes a face at him and Jon laughs. He scoots a little closer to Lovett and yelps as something digs into his side. It's a shard of Pringle. He holds it up between two fingers and Lovett looks guilty. 

“Stop fucking eating in my bed. I found a french fry under my pillow last week." 

“That wasn't me,” Lovett lies, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. 

“Dick,” Jon says fondly, flicking him in the forehead. “Did you at least save me some?” 

Lovett hands them over. Jon fumbles his hand in but the can's almost empty. He pushes himself up on his elbow and tips the can back to his mouth to drink the crumbs. 

When he puts it down Lovett's watching him, eyes dark. "Disgusting," he says. 

"Screw you." Jon tosses the can on the ground and flops back into bed. He sucks red dust off his fingers and looks over at Lovett. "What?" 

"Nothing," Lovett says, eyes sliding away. "I should probably get home." 

"What time is it?" 

Lovett checks his watch. "Almost nine." 

Jon groans. "We didn't get anything done." 

"I think we got a lot done. I think we're a lot closer to solving the mystery of Ms. Delano's torrid affair with Principal Roberts. I'm serious. Keep an eye out." 

He's such an idiot. Jon shoves him off the bed and Lovett yelps. 

"Bully!" 

"Get out of my room," Jon laughs, throwing Lovett's hoodie at him. "I'll see you tomorrow." 

Lovett shuts the door behind him, and Jon hears his footsteps on the stairs.

\--

He's slogging through his chem chapter when he hears Andy yelling from downstairs.

He opens his bedroom door. “What?” 

“Phone!” Andy calls. “It’s Lovett!”  

Lovett literally left twenty minutes ago. Jon snorts and picks up the phone in his room. 

“Yo.” 

“Hey,” Lovett says. 

“What’s up? Did you forget your backpack?” 

“No, I-“ Lovett stops. “Wait, did I?” 

“Did you?” Jon looks around his room, shoves aside a pile of dirty clothes. Nothing. 

“No. No, it’s right here.” 

“You’re so dumb,” Jon breathes, flopping down on his bed. He rolls onto his back and stares up at the ceiling. “So what’s up?” 

Lovett’s silent. Jon can hear him breathing. 

“Hello? Lovett?” 

“Yeah,” Lovett says absently. “Yeah, sorry. I just-“ 

He’s quiet again. Jon rolls his eyes. 

“Dude, are you playing Final Fantasy?” 

“No,” Lovett says. He coughs. “Hey, I- I need to tell you something.” 

“What?” Jon says, yawning against the phone. 

“It’s important.” Lovett coughs again. “But- but I need to tell you tomorrow. Before school. Can you skip homeroom and meet me at Dunkins?” 

Jon sits up, alert. “You okay?” 

“I’m fine. Everything’s fine. I just need to tell you something really important tomorrow. Okay?” 

“Lovett, if something’s wrong, you have to-“ 

“Nothing’s wrong,” Lovett snaps. “I'm fine, I swear. I’ll see you at Dunkins.” 

The line goes dead. Jon sits there stunned for a second, dial tone in his ear, until the phone clicks and Andy whines “Dude, hang _up_ ,” into his ear. 

“I have to call him back,” Jon says, gnawing his thumbnail. “Give me like five minutes.” 

Andy groans. “You can talk to your boyfriend tomorrow.”

“Fuck you, Andy. Hang up or I’ll come down there and kick your ass.”

“I’m telling Mom!” Andy yells, and Jon clicks the phone off and slams it into the mattress next to him. He groans and shuts his eyes. 

After a minute he opens them and sighs. Lovett better be okay. He’s weird like that though. Full-on mysterious sometimes. One time he didn’t talk to Jon for a full two days because Jon got him a new Discman for Hanukkah. It wasn’t that he didn’t like the fucking gift, he’d been whining about needing a new one for months, but he was just- annoyed by Jon getting it for him. Or something. Jon still doesn’t really get it. Most people don’t get all huffy and mad when they get presents, but Lovett’s never been most people. 

His door opens and Jon jumps, startled. It’s his dad, peeking his head in, looking stern. 

“Hey. Be nice to your brother.” 

Jon sits up. “He was the one who-“ 

“Jonathan.” 

“Okay.” He barely manages not to roll his eyes. “Sorry.” 

“How was school?” 

Jon wraps his arms around his knees. “Fine. Good.” 

“How about practice? You gonna run the 800 on Thursday?”

“Yeah, I think so. And the 4x8.”

“Well, I’ll be there.” His dad yawns and pats the doorjamb. “Get to bed soon, okay?”

“I will,” Jon says. 

“Love you, kid.” 

“Love you too,” Jon says, forcing a smile until finally his dad closes the door. Jon darts over to lock it, yanks his gym shorts off and gets back into bed. He grabs his chem book but he can’t focus, and eventually he tosses it on the floor and reaches over to flick off the lamp. Toothbrush be damned. 

He checks the time on his alarm clock. 9:30, too late to call. Lovett’s dad is probably asleep and Jon's terrified of him. He's not that fond of Jon. He doesn't like any of Lovett's friends. He doesn't even really like Lovett. Jon's not sure  _what_ he likes, except like, NYPD Blue and Lovett's mom's cooking.  

Jon sighs and adjusts the pillow under his head, puts his hand on his stomach. He listens to the house. He can hear the sink running in his mom and dad's room and Andy moving around downstairs. But the door's locked, he made sure of that, so he slides his hand down to rub himself through his boxers.  

He’s already hard and his hand feels good.  He rolls onto his stomach and puts his face in his pillow, trying to think of something other than whatever potentially catastrophic thing Lovett has to tell him tomorrow. He settles on his piano teacher’s boobs, like he usually does, and sighs a breath against the pillow. He could see straight down her shirt last week, and she was wearing a dark blue bra, and he kept screwing up the Chopin concerto they were working on. It was horrible. 

_Something really important_. What the hell does he mean by that? Jon squeezes his eyes shut so he won’t lose focus. Piano. Boobs. He bites his lip hard. It’s just- it’s just that Lovett always does this, always confuses the hell out of him for no reason. He’s been even weirder than usual lately. If Lovett had something important to say, why couldn’t he have said it before, when he was laying in Jon’s bed with his head practically on Jon’s pillow? He could’ve said it then. With his face all close to Jon’s and the door closed, a hush over the room like they were the only two people in the world. Even if it was a secret or something, he could have just- told him. He could tell Jon anything. Jon groans into the pillow and jerks himself faster. 

He comes with a muffled gasp and lies there breathing hard for a minute before he reaches over for a tissue. Even when he's cleaned up he feels uneasy. What if Lovett has cancer or something? What if his parents are getting divorced? What if he's- 

Jon forces himself to stop. He still can't relax so he flicks the lamp on and grabs his chem book off the floor, flips it open and sighs wearily. If he's not gonna sleep he might as well get something done. 

**Author's Note:**

> ["It's National Coming Out Day so I'll share the method I used to come out so that it was impossible to lose my nerve, first applied at 17. I told my best friends (and later my parents) "I'm totally fine, but I have something VERY important to discuss with you tomorrow." Absurdly dramatic. But by the next day I really had no choice - they demanded to know, and it's too crazy to make up "very important" news.](https://twitter.com/jonlovett/status/521103087457820672)


End file.
